A Year Goes by So Fast

Brace yourself – this may be a long one…Today is so bitter-sweet for me. I am sad, but when I think about it, I am at peace because one year ago today is when my dad was finally given a new body and set free from all the pain he had grown accustomed to for so long. I know he’s in such a better place and I really am thankful for that, but at the same time, I am still so incredibly sad for my loss. It’s hard to believe I’ve survived a year with out him. So much has gone on in that year. So much has changed. I’ve changed. I’m stronger, more independent and I’m at a really good place where I’m excited about the future and all the possibilities for me. I know that I can make it – that I can get through anything life throws my way. Today marks the end to the hardest year of my life. I decided that I am thankful to God that I had my dad for almost 21 years. It’s longer than some people have. I’m also thankful that he’s in a much better place than here. He was so miserable for so long and now I know he’s rejoicing that he is free from all the pain of this world, and not just in the physical sense. Not a day has gone by the past year that I haven’t thought about my dad and wished he was here, and I know not a day will go by in the future that I won’t still feel that way, but because of the way my dad raised me and the lessons he taught me, I am very confident that I am going to be just fine. For the past month, I have been thinking about my dad and missing him more than usual. These are the things I miss the most:

- Calling him because I heard something about the Rangers, or something else that he would want to know.
- Hearing him say “Hi, Sugar” when I would come home from work or during the day to make him lunch.
- Having him coach me, even though he was harder on me than anyone else.
- Being able to ask him about anything. He knew more than anyone I’ve ever met, especially about sports, and if he didn’t know about something – he was honest and said that, instead of making something up like most people.
- It’s weird, but I miss going to chemo with him. We would be there for about 2 or 3 hours and would just talk or play some card game if it was just us.
- Hearing him tell me to be quiet while the Dale Hansen sports was on.
- I hated it, but now I’d give anything to have to go pick up the big sticks that would fall from the trees so he could mow.
- Hearing and watching him preach. Luckily I can still listen to him on tapes. :)
- Watching him coach football and listening to him go on and on about “the boys” which were the last group of 7th graders he coached. They went undefeated and won district. He was so proud of them.
- Seeing him with his grandchildren…there was nothing he loved more than playing with them.
- Making fun of him because once he lost his hair he looked like the Six Flags man when he wore his glasses.
- Listening to him sing to the oldies in the car.
- Hearing him say “I love you, sweet dreams” every night when I went to bed and asking me “Did you sleep good last night?” every morning when I got up.
- Our inside jokes – usually at the expense of my mom.
- The look he’d get when someone said something he thought was totally ridiculous. If you knew him, you know the one I’m talking about. I got this look quite often.
- Taco night – every Wednesday during my senior year and when I’d come home in the summer, we would make tacos together. It was just me and him. A couple weeks before he died, he said “You know what I miss? Taco night.”
- Watching sports movies with him and having him comment on all the things that weren’t accurate. It annoyed me to no end.
- The thing I miss the most is the hugs. He was this big teddy bear and I felt so safe when he hugged me. I have never felt that way since last May. I honestly can’t remember the last time he hugged me with both arms, because for so long, he couldn’t move his left one very much because of the tumor. If I could have just one moment back with my dad in perfect health, all I would want is one more hug.

Ok, sorry if this was depressing. It was teary, but made me smile because I had an amazing dad. I would rather have had 21 years with him than a lifetime with anyone else. I love you, Dad.

So Much Going On

Ok, so much has happened since I actually updated this thing. The biggest thing is that I have a new niece!! She is totally adorable...Chenna Shea Davidson. She was born on March 13 at 5:46 p.m., was 8 lbs. 14 oz. and 20 in. long. Her big brothers totally adore her...I can't wait to go see her again. It is so crazy that Chiara has a girl. Things are still progressing here...working, babysitting, and occasionally some school thrown in too. Ok, so maybe not so much is going on here, but that's a little bit of an update.

Wonderful Weekend

Although the weekend started out a little rough (it took 3 1/2 hours to get to Abilene - going about 30 mph half the way on a blanket of ice) it was so great!! I met up with Whitney at my brother and sister-in-law's house and we visited with Erica and Kaylee for a little while, then headed to Sing Song. We were late and walked all the way across ACU in the cold, but luckily the show was running late too so we didn't miss anything. Our good friend from high school, Will, was a host and he did an AMAZING job!! I was sitting there in awe of his voice. I'm so glad we were able to go because it's definitely something I will always remember. After Sing Song, we went back to Cary and Erica's and watched the Kaylee and Campbell while they went out to dinner. I really miss getting to see my nieces...they're the cutest little girls ever!! Campbell wasn't exactly thrilled to be left with us, but she warmed up eventually. I was holding her on the couch and Kaylee was laying with me and she said, "Two girls just cuddling with their Rae-Rae," I just about died...it was the sweetest thing. Sunday we went to church in the morning, where we listened to a 20 minute prayer and the guy quoted the words to "God Bless America". We were standing in the foyer waiting for the prayer to be over and Kaylee says to Cary, "This is taking a really long time." I just about lost it. After church, Whitney and I were treated to Spaghetti Warehouse (my favorite restaurant which they don't have in Ft. Worth anymore :( ). It was so good. Thanks again for taking us guys!! Whitney went back to Lubbock when we got back and I went shopping with Erica, which is always fun and I only spent a little bit. I had to get my flip-flops for the summer :). We pretty much hung out the rest of the night and then today I played a few games with Kaylee, chatted with Erica and tried to get Campbell to love me again, but she is very much a mommy's girl, which I guess is ok. I drove back this afternoon and made normal time since the weather was nice and then babysat tonight. I definitely did not want to come home, but I had to since I have class tomorrow. It was a great relaxing time in Abilene. Cary and Erica, thanks again for everything...I love you guys and can't wait until August so I'll be there full time. Have a great week everyone!!

God is Amazing!!

It is truly wonderful how blessed I am. There are some incredibly amazing people that are in my life and I am so thankful to God that they are here. You have the obvious people, my family...and I do have a wonderful family - even if I don't tell them that often enough: I love you all and would not be where I am without you. Then, there are my friends, the friends I have had for years, that are always there for me and I know will always be here for me...thank you for all you do for me and for being the people you are. Today I am totally blown away by the people that are new to my life, and by that I mean people I wouldn't have met, or gotten so close to, had it not been for me coming home when my dad got sick. God is so great in that he can take something so horrible, like losing my dad, and bless my life so richly. I have these people that mean so much to me, they continue to amaze me and truly make me a better person. I don't even really know what to say because I am just completely overwhelmed with gratitude. Many thoughts have poured through my head today that have reminded me that I would not be the person I am without these people and without going through the things I have gone through. For all of the people that have been a part of my life, THANK YOU - for everything, I will never be able to express how greatful I am to you for all you've done and continue to do. You are truly a blessing!!

Great Movie

Ok, at the risk of sounding like a big dork, I'm just going to say it...I loved The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion: The Witch and the Wardrobe. I am not one of those people who likes movies like this usually. I have never seen any of the Harry Potter movies, any Star Wars, or any Lord of the Rings and I don't plan to ever. But I must say, I wanted to see this movie. I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe in middle school like most people and I remember that I really liked it. I even borrowed the whole set from my brother's girlfriend at the time (they broke up, I had the set, and I just sold it on ebay for $85 - not too bad). Anyway, I only got to #3 before I got bored. I have been wanting to see this movie since I knew it was being made, but none of my friends wanted to go. Lucky for me I am babysitting all weekend and the kids I'm babysitting asked if we could see it. It was so good!! I know all the Christ-like references, as anyone who is a Christian or a half-way decent English student should, and I must say it really made me think about the sacrifice made by Christ for us and the impact evil can have in our lives. There is something about seeing the story portrayed on screen that sinks in more than just reading the book. The point to all this rambling is that I highly recommend seeing this movie and taking a step back and thanking God for His amazing grace and for sending Jesus so that we could have hope of a life with Him.

Starting Once Again

Ok, so I tried this before, but it just didn't work out too well, but I am going to try it once again. Hopefully I will be better at posting this time around and maybe I'll have slightly more exciting things to say and stories too tell...don't count on it though. My life right now is so boring and pretty much uneventful...you've got school - TCC is oh-not-so-much-fun, work - which is ok but most days could be better, and babysitting which is all the time, but keeps the money coming in. I must say one perk of working at a daycare in a private school is parents with money who are all too willing to dish it out so they don't have to spend time with their kids. Of course this is not all of the parents, but I could definitely give you some examples. I know, I know...this is riveting stuff. What can I say? I'm a very exciting person.